fandomtownies | The Beach [Wednesday morning]

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The Beach [Wednesday morning]

Max was not pleased about being on the beach today. Not because he didn't like the beach, but because he was pretty sure it was going to be a disaster.

He looked out over the water, pondering just how bad an idea this was. Really, he should know better than to let his pride push him into things. But after dealing with Anakin's idiocy last week, and then having Raven accused him of abandoning her, he'd been upset enough to agree to... well, this.

Well, at least there might still be time for the weather to turn bad. Maybe there'd be a tornado or a hurricane or something. Even if it didn't look remotely likely, this was Fandom, so it could totally happen!

But for some reason Max rather suspected it wouldn't.

[Expecting one, but open to anyone who wants to distract Max from the upcoming disaster... Or just hang out on the beach.]

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"In Kaeleer, just a few days ago, I wanted to feel comfort so badly I almost ripped it out of someone I care for," Raven admitted. "I know it is a normal human need, but this desire was not normal."

Max pursed his lips. "Actually, I suspect that the desires you're feeling are normal. Especially for someone your age." And especially for someone who'd been suppressing emotional reactions for so much of their life.

"The difference is that you actually can do it if you don't stop yourself."

Raven shook her head. "I think I understand what normal desires are," she said. "And I did not feel this way before what the vampire you were in that world did to me."

That drew a quirked eyebrow. "And just how long had you been experiencing emotions when you encountered him?"

"Not very long," Raven had to admit. "But I can feel the wants of others, and they are not nearly as strong as mine."

"That's because they've had a lot more experience with this kind of thing. Still, if you want to crave less sensation, I have two thoughts." Neither of them might be very good, but he had them.

"Then please, tell me them," Raven said. She tugged her cloak tighter around her to ward off the chill in the air.

"First, I think it might help you if you stopped using your powers for a while. And try to block out everyone else. Get used to feeling only your own emotions, if you can. That way you'll know what is you and what is... other people."

Max paused. Did that sound reasonable?

The thought of disconnecting herself from sensing emotions made her stomach turn. "I do not think I can do that," she said. "If someone needed healing...I could never refuse that."

"Why not?" Max asked. "Aren't there plenty of perfectly competent healers in Fandom? Why couldn't they do the healing?"

"Because I am better than they are," Raven said, momentarily seized by pride. "And because I must heal to prove I am not corrupted by my father."

"We'll skip past the first part," which was patently ridiculous, not to mention arrogant. ~~No wonder she liked Anakin so much.~~

"How does healing people prove that you aren't corrupted?" Max asked.

It wasn't ridiculous at all. It was true! But maybe a little arrogant.

"Because I use my gifts to help and heal instead of to harm others, which is what my father wishes," Raven said. "It proves I do not belong to him."

"And if you simply chose not to use your gifts at all?" Max prompted. "Wouldn't that mean the same thing? That you control what you do, not him?"

"I cannot do that," Raven said. "I will never ignore someone who is suffering and in need of my aid. Never."

"I didn't say you had to ignore them," Max pointed out. "I'm suggesting that you refrain from using your powers." He lifted an eyebrow. "Can't you help them in other ways?"

"Why do you wish me not to use my gifts?" Raven said, trying not to allow herself to become angry. "I will not refuse to heal someone. I could never do that."

"I think they're part of the problem you're having," Max explained. "You don't know the limits of your own emotions because you've spent so much time with others'." He shrugged. "It's up to you, but I think that the fact that you don't know yourself that well is only making things more difficult."

He almost pointed out that it seemed odd to have this all-or-nothing approach to healing, where either she was doing it personally, or she was refusing to help, but he rather suspected that bringing that up wouldn't help matters.

"What was your other suggestion?" Raven said, unwilling to discuss this one further. The thought of not using her gifts at all was only making her feel distressed.

Max sighed. He wasn't sure this one would go over any better, but...

"My other suggestion is that you try to experience more emotions without your powers. I'm not saying shut them off, I'm just saying that you should seek out emotions in the way most people do. Understand what causes them and so on."

Feeling emotions just because other people did probably didn't help Raven's perspective too much.

"I have done that," Raven said quietly. More than she ever intended to, given her feelings for Jono and Karla.

"Oh?" Max didn't doubt her, but he was curious to know what she thought counted.

"I have felt many things that have come from within me, not without," Raven said. "I told you, I have learned a great deal about emotions since you last consented to teach me."

"Joy?" Max asked. "Contentment?" Those were two of the more elusive ones for him, after all.

"At times, yes," Raven confirmed. "Affection. Love."

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