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Our Lady Of Fandom - Saturday Evening

Seifer had spent that morning getting the church in order, and this evening he was there again. Right there, in the front, kneeling down and praying with his rosary in hand. He was praying that the Lord would forgive him for the lust and depravity that this town brought into his mind. It was just so hard to resist sometimes, and he needs his God's love and guidance to do so.

Not that his focus on his own troubles would stop him from helping anyone who came through the doors. He was there to serve. Whether it be to calm a troubled soul, ease a hurting heart, or perform a marriage ceremony or two.

It seemed Fandom was rather obsessed with marriages.

[Yep, open post for you all]

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"We have one, Father," Bruce said, handing over a $100 bill. "His name is Mr Franklin."

Really. One Benjamin? Either Wayne was going broke, or getting really cheap. Seifer was betting on the former. Either way, he tucked the bill away and picked up a bible.

"So. Are we going the full Catholic route, or the quickie one, where you gush over each other in your self-written vows?" He might be a little snarky.

Just a little.

Perhaps Bruce was going for a discount rate. Lucrezia should ask about those, herself.

"We shouldn't like to take too long," Lucrezia sighed. "We've wasted enough time as it is."

And with that, she turned to her beloved once-husband-and-soon-to-be-husband-again and began speaking, from the heart.

"Bruce," she said. "You are the strongest, bravest, and truest man it has ever been my privilege to know. The twelve days that we previously spent as man and wife were the happiest in my short life. I promise to love, honor and cherish you, and to never again try to poison you, or bring about your death in any other way, or to ask my brother Cesare to have his manservant assassin perform the honors. I want to be Mrs. Wayne until the end of my days, not just the end of yours. This I vow, in church, before God, this priest, and Mr. Franklin. Amen."

Bruce lowballed as part of a negotiation. It's not his fault Seifer accepted the lowest offer.

"Lucrezia," Bruce said, gazing deeply into her eyes. "Not even your attempt to poison me could quell the fire that burns in my heart for you. As I laid there, twitching, all I could think was that the previous eleven days had been the happiest of my life, and that if we ever met again, I was sure I could make you just as happy and non-murderous as me. I intend to prove that starting tonight. This I vow, in church, before the imaginary construct that some people have determined to be 'God,' this priest, and Mr Franklin. Amen."

"Amen," Seifer repeated. "By the grace of God and the power of the Catholic Church and the good state of... Fandom," hell, it wasn't like this was LEGAL to begin with. "I know pronounce you man and wife. Feel free to kiss the bride, and then I need to speak with you, Mister Wayne."

That didn't sound ominous, did it?

Man and wife! Lucrezia Borgia¹ Sforza² Wayne³ Lannister⁴ della Rovere⁵ possibly-Luthor⁶ Wayne⁷ pressed her lips against her husband, husband, husband's fair lips, savoring the kiss, ecstatic beyond her wildest dreams.

When the kiss ended, she opened her eyes, slowly.

"Go and speak with him, my lord," she murmured. "But pray do not keep me waiting long."

Rawr.

--
¹ maiden name
² Giovanni: canon first husband
³ Bruce
⁴ Lancel, cousin to Tyrion
⁵ Giuliano: canon rival of her father's
⁶ Lex, which may or may not have happened; the writers are confused on the chronology of events and what storylines have been canceled
⁷ Bruce, again

"I wouldn't dream of it," Bruce said.

Turning back to Seifer, Bruce asked, "What is it, Father?"

Somehow, Seifer didn't think his little plan would go over very well with Lucrezia.

"Perhaps we should speak of this more privately," he offered, motioning away from the lovely bride.

"As you wish," Bruce said, walking over to where Seifer indicated.

Seifer waited until they were, hopefully, out of earshot of Lucrezia.

"A small... possession has been... delivered into my hands. It is claimed to be yours." Okay, not really, but he was going to figure out a way to get rid of this kid somehow. "A child. Your child."

Don't mind the dramatic music swelling wildly right now.

Cue the record scratch. "Stop right there, Father," Bruce said. "I went over this with another one of my wives earlier today. I'm sterile, so the kid's not mine. Nice try, though."

"Yes, I know this. It has been explained to me, but it will still be a scandal if word got out that even the claim was made." He glanced over at Lucrezia pointedly.

"Not to mention how your... new bride will take the news. What if she wanted to keep it?"

"She'd probably poison me. But she's going to do that anyway," Bruce said. "It's that kind of passion that makes me love her."

Bruce reached out to give Seifer a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Anyway, I suggest taking the baby to the clinic. They're better equipped to take care of a child than anyone here right now." Plus, they had at least one person who was apparently excited about children.

"True. And you should keep an eye out. Someone besides your lovely wife is looking to bring you down."

Probably one of the other wives, but it probably wasn't with the baby.

Damn it, he'd just have to pawn it off on someone else.

"That's the result of the life I lead, my friend," Bruce said. "But I appreciate the warning. You can expect a sizable donation to the church for it."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I don't think the once-again-Mrs Wayne wishes to be kept waiting." With that, Bruce gave a slight salute and started to turn back to Lucrezia.

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Our Lady Of Fandom - Saturday Evening

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