fandomtownies | Turtle & Canary; Sunday [05/21].

Entry tags:

Turtle & Canary; Sunday [05/21].

The little staging area for the "unicorns" next to the register was finally complete in all its wonderful glory, a little raised dais with a quaint picket fence built around it as if Mr. Fancycakes and his friend would ever try to escape. As long as there was food in there, they would be happy. A few signs had been posted all around, most of them saying DON'T TOUCH THE UNICORNS but someone of them extolling the WONDERFUL MR. FANCYCAKES (and friend) who was AVAILABLE FOR PARTIES AND SOCIAL EVENTS FOR A VERY REASONABLE FEE, because it was, of course, THE ONE, THE ONLY MR. FANCYCAKES and TIPS (were) APPRECIATED.

The Merchant of Miracles didn't understand why people didn't seem so into it here. Mr. Fancycakes was a gosh darn celebrity back home! Merchandising and everyone! "I'm tellin' ya, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, there's just no accounting for some people's taste."

Today's Squishy Flavors
FancyCake's Fancy Cakes
Spring Grass with a Hint of Clover
Red

~Now Under New Management~

Help Wanted

Turtle & Canary is open!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Thank you, come again!

Money is the root of all evil, don't you know, so he's here to help relieve you of all that evil. He's only concerned for the state of your immortal soul.

"No Baja Blast?" Magnus asked, looking at the squishie flavors. Because somehow that shit was over in Faerun.

No worries about that, he was now noticing the goats. "Oh my god, can I pet your goats?"

"Stay away from my majestic unicorns!" said the Merchant of Miracles from his tall stool behind the counter. "No, you cannot pet them. Can't you read...the siiiiigns?"

He gestured, because there were many of them, and in no uncertain terms, but one would never be disappointed in the stupidity of other people.

"But this Baja Blast, now that I'd be interested in. I'd be especially interested in how much you'd be willing to pay for this item should it be apprehended for my lovely little shop here."

Magnus snorted in complete disbelief over the unicorn thing. Because he'd probably seen one before. Maybe.

He knew them well enough to know if he was eating a deep fried horn or deep fried dick at least, okay?

"I don't know. One gold piece?"

The Merchant of Miracles had gotten very used to ignoring snorts just like that one, thank you very much. It was like he didn't even hear them anymore.

The young man had his attention on other matters. He stroked his chin a little. "Would you go as far as to say one shiny gold piece?"

Edited 2017-05-21 22:22 (UTC)

"Yessss?" Magnus replied, getting some distinct Garfield vibes from the guy. "Are you a Deals Warlock?"

"Deals Warlock?" asked the Merchant, pulling back as if offended, although he had no idea what a Deals Warlock was. A warlock, yes, but deals? He didn't make deals, he made steals, steals for himself! He did hop up on the stool to make him seem a bit more of a respectable height (it didn't help much) as he puffed out his chest. "Do I look like a Deals Warlock to you?"

True, he had no idea how a Deals Warlock looked, but if it looked anything like him, well, then, compliments to the Deals Warlock's sense of impeccable style.

And nearly as soon as he stood up, the Merchant sat back down, because business. "And one shiny gold piece it is. When do you need it by? Tomorrow? A week? I might need a little extra shine on that piece if you need it by tomorrow, if you catch mt dah-rift."

"I do not want to catch your drift," Magnus replied cheerfully. "But thank you for offering."

He eyed the little man for a moment before settling on, "No, you're less terrifying than Garfield was. He grew a pod me once."

"A pod?" the Merchant asked. "What kind of pod? Pea pod? Storage pod? Pod people? That does sound like a warlock thing to do, growing pods on unsuspecting people. I don't deal with pods, and I don't deal in magic, boy, unless it's magical items or things for making magic, but none of that myself. You think I'd be working this crummy gig if I could do magic? I'd be rolling in gold coins off the beautiful coast of sunny Tamir...You know I got a travel package there, if you're interested! Tamir is beautiful this time of year, why, the quicksand's almost solid and the crabs, well, let's just say the crabs tend to be a little more in control after an influx from the spring break crowds. I'll even throw in transportation on a luxurious unicorn-drawn cart, free of charge, so you can arrive in styyyyyyle."

"Will I get to fight these crabs? And do they breathe fire? Because I've run into that kind of crab before and am just dying for a rematch now that I'm armed."

Magnus, no.

"Yeah, sure, kid, they breathe fire," said the Merchant, waving a hand.

They did not. But, you know, semantics.

"You can fight 'em all you want, but I will warn ya, they always come back."

Somehow that was not a deterrent for Magnus. Somehow.

"And how much is this trip?"

Honestly, the Merchant of Miracles wasn't really that used to people taking him up on his offer, so he just made up a price on the spot, after taking the cut of the young man's jib into consideration. "It's gotta be at least ten shiny gold coins," he reasoned. "Thirteen, maybe, because of the whole portal handling fee. But thirteen, that's an unlucky number, don't want your trip to be unlucky, so it might be wise to pick up a nice good luck insurance and make it a solid fourteen. Remember, that includes luxury travel and a two night stay in some premium Tamirian accommodations."

He'd probably wind up lodging with that nice old lady. That nice old lady owed him a lot of shiny gold coins...

Magnus gave this all the consideration he could manage with his urge to rush into situations. "But I haven't been able to leave so far. There's this curse, I think. Taako hasn't really figured out too much there."

"Hmmmm, got yourself saddle with a curse, did ya?" The Merchant of Miracles stroked his chin thoughtfully. "A curse where you can't leave the island, I assume? You know, I might be able to help you out there, for a reasonable fee. I've got some good connections with the types that handle a few potions and pills and spells to dispel curses. Maybe I'll get in touch with 'em and see what they got. It's the least I could do to help a poor schmuck whose stuck. I won't even ask what you did to earn that curse, kid. I just hate to see a man without the freedom to enjoy a holiday when the holiday gettin's good."

Especially if that holiday meant spending some dough.

"It's not really a holiday," Magnus explained, totally forgetting the last subject already. "It's more I need to get back to the moon."

"Back to the moon, you say?" said the Merchant of Miracles. "Now that would be a travel package I hadn't considered before, but I'm afraid it would cost quite a bit more than just thirteen shiny gold pieces plus insurance. Not to mention, not all that easy a trip. It'd have to be a miracles, but they don't call me the Merchant of Miracles fer nothin'!"

Actually, they kind of did.

"But let's take this one step at a time, kiddo. We see what we can do about lifting that curse of yours, and then we can focus on setting you up with that perfect dream vacay to the moon, but I'm tellin' ya, it'll be worth it."

"Not a vacation, but cool. Cool cool," Magnus said, mulling it over. "You look into curse breaking and I'll pet the goats and then we all win."

Mostly him. Because goat petting.

"Bap-bap-bap-bap-bap!" The Merchant of Miracles hopped up on the stool again, looking ready to leap in case Moonboy over here got any fresh ideas of blatantly ignoring very obvious signs. "I said back away! No touchy the unicorns! I knoooooooow, they're the most majestic creatures in the world, but ya gotta keep your mitts off!"

"But they're goats."

He could see that! HE HAD ANIMAL HANDLING PROFICIENCIES.

"Mr. Fancycakes is a noble, majestic beast!" the Merchant of Miracles clearly did not deny or confirm Moonboy's outrageous claim. "He and the Other One are for looking only!"

"Well. Fine. I won't touch."

He so wanted to pet them now. It was like some forbidden fruit shit all up in this.

The Merchant of Miracles crossed his spindly little arms over his chest and glared, unconvinced, at Moonboy.

"You even think of trying it, and I won't be able to quell Mr. Fancycake's vehement temper! Now, did you come in here to actually purchase something, or did you come in here just to harass my precious sweet unicorns?"

"I'm not harassing them!" So, the latter was the answer, oh Merchant of Miracles.

"So let's keep it that way!"

"Fine!" Magnus said, giving his goat friends a sad look before stomping back to the entrance to leave. "You're not my real dad!"

He just really got into the moment there. Sorry about that.

And that was...yeah. Odd. And coming from this guy, that was saying an awful lot.

"Yeah, I sure hope not," the Merchant murmured, giving a look to the unicorns and pulling on his suddenly too-tight collar. "I mean, yeesh, there was that one time in after that tavern in Llwedor, but phew. Ho boyyyy. I think Moonboy there might have a touch of a head curse, too."

And he wondered how much he could charge for a cure for that, too, but some cases were just hopeless.

Unicorns. Definitely not two dumb fat goats with horns on their heads, you charlatan.

I have nothing clever to say here, but I do have a cat on my lap. So that's something.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Turtle & Canary; Sunday [05/21].

Mod your Shopping -- T&C, 05/21.

Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Re: Talk to the Merchant of Miracles -- T&C, 05/21.

Don't Touch the Unicorns! -- T&C, 05/21.

OOC -- T&C, 05/21.