Fandom Island and Town

Things had been pretty quiet at Turtle & Canary for the last week or so, as Apu had been running the shop blissfully without the Merchant of Miracles. The Merchant had started to get antsy-pants, the very technical term for the wanderlust a travelling salesman was bound to feel after staying in the same place for too long. He'd hitched up the unicorns to his cart, headed over to Portalocity and did a tour back home for a bit, touching base with all his old customers and suppliers and marveling at all the missed opportunities that had passed him by.

Sure, this place gave him a real steady flow of cash, which was nice, but (and he can't believe he was about to say this), it wasn't all about money. For one, people here weren't nearly as gullible as, say, Daventrians or Tanalorians, and paper money was just so boring and not shiny. On the road, it was something new every day, some new challenge, some new sucker every day. Here was just...profitable and boring. He wanted profitable and exciting. He was a ramblin' man, couldn't keep a ramblin' man in one place for too long.

But he couldn't just up and leave. He had to get one last profit out of this place, which is why he had been hitting the papers and spreading a few things around to see what sort of pay-off he could get in selling the place. No responses yet, but they'd surely start rolling in any day now. Considering the business of this place, he was practically giving it away.

Meanwhile, he wondered if anyone would notice the oh-so-subtle uptick in the price of everything as he tried to get as much out of the place before riding off into the shinier golden sunset.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Wandering Watermellon
Frog's Breath
Red

Turtle & Canary is open!

"What? Huh? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

The Merchant of Miracles was shouting at Apu, who was shouting back, but since both of them had pulled out some noise-cancelling headphones, the shouting was mostly in vain and communication was trying to be done with gestures and the occasional scribbled sign. Because the unicorns decided that today was a good day for just bleating almost non-stop, long steady cried that would go on and on and on.

Occasionally, they stopped. A moment of silence fell over the store and Apu and the Merchant could breathe again, hoping against hope that it was over, that they were done, that they'd bleated themselves out, only to then have one of them open their mouth and start all over again.

Neither of them could figure out what it was, either. They tried food, they tried pillows, they tried toes, they tried grooming, but nothing seemed to make the restless creatures calm down. Eventually, they just gave up, grabbed some headphones from the shelves, and tried to go about business as usual.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Loud Lemon
Eardrum-Blasting Eggplant
Red

Help Wanted!
inquire within

Turtle & Canary is open (and loud!)

Another strange shipment had come into the store today, so of course the Merchant of Miracles planned to investigate it himself. Had he just been making orders after having one too many sips of Dragon's Breath? Or was he just getting sent stuff for the heck of it? Either way, he wouldn't question it if it was product that might sell, so he cracked open the crate to have a look.

Wallets. Big leather wallets, some with designs pressed into them, some plain, some died, all of them looking like they might fetch a pretty penny. "Oooooh," he gushed appreciatively, nearly falling into the large crate as he reached for one to pull out for a closer look. But as he brought it closer, he realized it didn't smell so much of leather as he expected, but the fresh, yeasty smell of freshly baked bread.

"Wait a second," he said, finding his way to his feet and flipping open the flap. Inside was a load of bread, and, gingerly, he pulled the bread out, tossing it over his shoulder, where the unicorns waited eagerly as if expecting it. And, sure enough, when the Merchant peered inside, another loaf had appeared inside.

"Ah-ha!" he said, cackling loudly. "Fairy wallet! I shoulda known by the illegible fairy writing on the side of this big ol' box. Nahaspeemapedilon, put 'em in back! If anyone actually comes in askin', okay, sure, yeah, we gots 'em. But until now, no reason to jeopardize our normal bread sales, if y'know what I mean. Ain't nobody gotta know unless they already know."

And he winked, hobbled back over to the counter, and flipped open his books, wondering where he might have put in an order with any fairies, because he certainly didn't remember it.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Peanut Butter & Jelly
Sourdough
Red

Help Wanted!
inquire within



Turtle & Canary is open!

Forget Something Back Home?
Need Unexpected Necessities?
Subpar School Supplies?
T&C Has Got You Covered!
Stop in and get everything you need
for your new semester at Fandom High!

Of course, the first thing the Merchant of Miracles took care of with the new semester was for some new signage, all big and bold and sparkling with glitter to help attract more people into the store to hopefully think that they were missing things that they didn't actually need. Of course, it helped that he also sold a lot of the things people did need, so they came in anyway, which was a pretty sweet gig, but he could be doing so, so much better.

And so there were a lot of signs all throughout the store, signs of arrows pointing to various things (Notebooks! Pencil Cases! Backpacks! Fancy little soaps shapes like animals!). Not pointing out that they were on sale, mind you, just that they were there and they were for sale. A very important distinction.

There was also the debate with Apu about whether or not they needed to hire more staff. Apu insisted the Help Wanted sign at the start of a semester was a tradition; the Merchant argued that saving on overhead by not hiring anyone was his tradition. No sign, the Merchant said. But he had put up so many other signs that he didn't even notice when Apu had sneakily put it on the door anyway.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Freshly Shaved Pencils
Shiny Apple
Red

HELP WANTED
(please!)

Turtle & Canary is Open!

There was...nothing going on at Turtle & Canary today. Everything was pretty much back to normal, new equipment brought in, new shelves, new windows, all at a discount because of the Merchant of Miracle's business savvy and the incredibly generous insurance policy that some T. Wexler had set up for the places ages ago that he found in some folder when they were cleaning. Whoever this T. Wexler fella was, he was a real stand-out guy in the Merchant's book, that was for sure. Smart! But now...he was actually kind of bored without anything to fix or take care or sell.

He did make a pretty neat maze for the unicorns out of all the extra toilet paper that didn't sell as well as he thought they would during the disaster. They were really good at solving it, too. They were really clever and made short cuts by knocking down the walls!

Today's Squishy Flavors
Bored Banana
Eggplant Ennui
Red

Turtle & Canary is open!

Sometimes, life just wasn't fair. The Merchant of Miracles had done all that he could to protect his cart from the incoming storms, but not even a cart as incredible and impressive as his could withstand all that wind, and those waves, and the shark the had pretty much burst into the thing while he was hunkered down inside and nearly killed him. So, for the second time in way too short of a time span, the Merchant's home was utterly destroyed with an extra helping of shark stuck in his living room. He thought of bunkering down with the unicorns, but you ever been stuck in a house with two unicorns during a sharkicane? It wasn't pretty. But at least his store had to be safe and in tact, right? They'd boarded it up, did all the preparations, even sprinkled the place with shark repellent (listen, you would, too, if you were the Merchant of Miracles and you saw those goons circling the place...Biscuit guy wasn't the only guy around here with dubious outstanding debts, you know). And don't even get him started on the poor Squishy machine!

"What do you mean, the shark repellent didn't work?" the Merchant demanded when he arrived, soaked from the rain, to find that the boards hadn't done anything, that there was a hammerhead in the hardware section, and that fish sticks weren't the only things in his frozen food aisle. "You musta done it wrong, Nahasapeemapedilon! You just can't find good help these day."

But, since he didn't have a home right now and he wasn't going to deal with the unicorns, the Merchant figured he might as well stay here and try to do some damage control. And of course try to sell stuff to anyone who might just happen to come in.

[[and a shark ate the ocd]]

There was a bean problem at Turtle & Canary.

Thankfully, it was not like last time, when the "unicorns" had gotten into a bunch of baked beans and the results were like something out of a some horror movie about deadly noxious gas, but rather it was simply that there were too many of them. One would think, with such dexterous sticky fingers as the Merchant of Miracles had, he'd be better at typing in orders, but he always seemed to place that pesky decimal in the wrong place.

So there were a ton of beans, and the unicorns were eyeing them, so the Merchant knew he had to try to move them fast. Of course, he could just put them on sale, but, surely, there had to be another way. So with a little quick thinking, he whipped up a sign for the window.

Now at T&C!
MAGIC BEANS!*
*Magic only if you believe hard enough

Yeah. That should do the trick!

Today's Squishy Flavors
Black Bean
Navy Bean
Red

Turtle & Canary is open!

"Whaddya mean, it's Free Squishy Day?"

It physically pained the Merchant of Miracles to say those words, but the issue needed to be addressed when Nahasapeemapedilon brought up this crazy notion that he claimed was tradition, but the Merhcant wasn't buying it. He didn't think he could support any tradition that resulted in him not making any money.

"Because it's Seven-Eleven? What does that have to do with anything? It's just numbers, it's just dates. Maybe, if it were to appease some sort of warlord or dragon or monster, maybe, but we're not throwing half our profits out the window just because it happens to be a certain combination of numbers that lie in conjunction with one calendar that most people in this kingdom follow. I mean, heck, is it Seven-Eleven on the Chinese Lunar calendar? The Russian Orthodox calendar? No? Let's not be so disrespectful to other people's cultures, Nahasapeemapedilon! How do you think they'd feel?"

Apu was pretty sure they'd feel happy to have a free Squishy, but he had learned pretty quickly that it was pointless to argue with the Merchant. Sighing, he went to put the Free Squishy sign back into storage, where it would probably forever collect dust from here on in.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Not Free Frappiccino
Full Price Pineapple
Red

Turtle & Canary is open!

The 'unicorns' were a bit more restless than usual today. They'd already rampaged through the house, and then knocked over nearly every stack of cans that Apu had arranged at the store, so the Merchant of Miracles decided that it was a good idea to let them get some fresh air and roam freely around the park for a little bit.

And it was a little bit. There was some frollicking. Mr. Fancycakes tried to eat a butterfly, and the Other One was probably falling in love with that squirrel over there. But their energy expended surprisingly quick now that they had the space to use it, and they were mostly just napping and eating grass at this point. The Merchant himself had dragged along a lounging folding chair, threw on some shades, kicked off his shoes, and tanned his delicate little biscuits in the sunshine. He had one of those suntanning reflecting boards, too, and was using it, but, thankfully, still had his vest on. So who knew what purpose the reflecting board was actually serving, but it was a blessing all the same.


[[ open park is open! ]]

Something was rotten in the state of Turtle & Canary, and it wasn't the "unicorn's" bedding. The Merchant of Miracles was pouring over the book with a look of deep concern, because something wasn't right. Something wasn't right at all.

"Nahasapeemapetilon!" he said, waving his trusty servant (oh, he wasn't a servant? are you sure?) over. "Come here, come here, I think we have a wee little problem-o over here. What's this?"

His finger went down on a line of the books. Apu, bracing himself, leaned over to take a look and reluctantly explained, and, just as he expected, the Merchant's look of consternation only worsened.

"Case discount? What is a case discount? A discount on a case? Of what? Cereal? Who's buying this much cereal? That flighty girl with the strawberry blonde hair and the endless supply of pink tank tops? And why does buying a lot of something mean you magically don't have to pay full price? You know she's just turning it around and selling it to people at a higher rate, right? By giving her your case discount, Nahasapeemapetilon, you're only implicating yourself in whatever weird illegal breakfast food swindle she's got going on. No more case discounts, capisce?"

That roll of the eyes meant yes, right? That was how the Merchant was choosing to take it, anyway.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Froot Loops
Count Chocoula
Red

~Help Wanted~

Turtle & Canary is open!

"Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon! How could you let this happen to my poor majestic unicorns!"

Forget the fact that the "unicorns" had turned their lovely shades of red on the way over to the store today. That wasn't going to stop the Merchant of Miracles placing the blame on the easiest target. Forget the fact that Apu and the Merchant himself were also similar hues of red. Clearly, it had nothing to do with the colorful rain outside.

The Merchant of Miracles had gone through nearly every bottle of shampoo in the store in an attempt to clean Mr. Fancycakes up (he didn't seem to be trying too hard with the other one), but none of it was working. "And see, this is why I specifically asked for special unicorn shampoo! This normal, regular, non-spectacular shampoo will never do anything!"

But that certainly wasn't going to stop them from trying.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Red
Red
Green

~Now Under New Management~

Now Hiring

Turtle & Canary is open! And very, very soapy.

It was true that the Merchant of Miracles was willing to put up with a lot if it meant he might make some money, but, thankfully, when he asked Apu about this Baja Blast nonsense that Moonboy was talking about the other day, the man knew exactly what he was talking about and they already had some in stock. So potentially making money without any of the hassle? Beautiful! And next to it, a box of other flavors that might have been a bit suspect, but, whatever, who cared? It was there, it should be used. It almost put the Merchant of Miracles in a good enough mood to have a sale!

...Just kidding. The Merchant of Miracles was allergic to the word sale. Made him break out in all sorts of chills and shivers and nausea. Not a pretty sight to behold (and what a pretty sight to behold he usually was, too!). So he opened up shop for the day and get to scribbling down a few notes to the Hobblepots and...ugh...Hagatha back home, to poke their brains about what they might know about breaking any curses that let people go to the moon or whatever. He honestly didn't really remember many of the deets.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Baja Blast
Live Wire
Red

~Now Under New Management~

Help Wanted


Turtle & Canary is open!

Apparently, there had been some complaints about the "unicorns" having free range of the produce department yesterday, which the Merchant of Miracles thought was just a bunch of people complaining about nothing just to have something to complain about, but, for the sake of better business, he figured he could consider a new solution, one that wouldn't cost too much but might bring more people into the store. A small area near the register was being worked on, a small little round dais being constructed so that they could be better displayed for people to be awed and amazed by their majesty. With a very large tip jar in front for people to show their true appreciation.

The Merchant of Miracles was working on it himself, since he was pretty good with a box of tools, if he might say so himself, and it saved a lot on labor, too. He'd put up a nice little "PARDON OUR DUST" sign, too, because he was considerate like that. And he liked signs in general, except for that blasted "HELP WANTED" one in the window which seemed to resurface whenever he tried to take it down.

Today's Squishy Flavors:
Construction Cranberry
Dusty Dragonfruit
Red

~Now Under New Management~

Help Wanted

Turtle & Canary is open (and dusty)!