Fandom Island and Town

Sure, you could get yourself a coffee and a plate of eggs just about anywhere in this town, but Mike E always took his at the drugstore counter. It was a strange thing to see a gal as a soda jerk, but Bobbie was the best in the biz. She wasn't a looker, and she didn't have a winning personality, but man oh man it was a pleasure to watch her work. It was an art the way she made a soda, she could man the grill without getting a single grease spatter on her apron, and she'd help with your groceries, too -- the gal was a machine.

Then again, so was Abe. Mike was pretty damn sure the man never slept. Maybe it came from being foreign -- always having to work twice as hard to be treated half as well. Maybe it came from being half nuts. Mike didn't judge. The place was a haven -- a little corner of the city untouched by the madness outside. A place where a man could relax a little. In this bleak existence, this endless series of days passing one after another into the cold depths of the past, could anyone ask for more?

Today's soda fountain flavors: Cream Soda, Root Beer, Cola, Cherry, Lime, Strawberry, Blueberry, Grape, Spearmint, Red

There was a blinding flash of purple light in the back room, and suddenly two figures stood where before there had been only empty space. There was another flash -- apparently, just in case you had missed the first one -- and a sound sort of like "WUMMMMMMMM".

And then the Cheese Panda leaned over and threw up on the floor.

"Didn't I tell you not to touch it?" Mike sighed. He felt like ralphing, too, but like hell was he going to show it. "Next time I tell you not to touch something, how about you try not touching it?" He shook his head. "Oh, you're worse than my granddaughter."

The panda did its best to convey just how sorry it was.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are," Mike replied. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the the time. And then the date. "Well, shit. So, here's what's going to happen: You are going to come out to the front with me, while we figure out how things have fared in the days that we've been missing, and then you are going to come back here and clean up this mess you just made."

When they walked out into the store, Apu had an angry glare for them. "Next time you go on vacation," he insisted, "you will do me the favor of putting it on the calendar!"


As always, there was a NOW HIRING sign on the door.

Today's Squishy flavors: Timewarp, Disappointment, Red

[No OCD today, because it was swallowed in a flash of purple light.]

Loon Drive was clear of hostiles from the edge of the junkyard to the community center, and Sphinx was clear almost all the way to Mallard. The barricades cordoning off the safe zone were made from the corpses of fallen dinosaurs -- Mike was really glad he'd sprung for the assault rifles, now.

If he had more men, maybe he could have pushed the barricades out farther. Five or six, if they were well-armed and good enough, would be enough to protect everything east of the park. Unfortunately, men were exactly what he didn't have.

Apu refused to leave the store -- if All and Sundries was still standing, it was going to be open for business. That left Mike manning one barricade, Liz the robot security dog on another, and on the third... well, nobody at the moment. The Cheese Panda had never come to Fandom to badger people into buying Middle Eastern mozzarella. Instead...

A shadowy figure in a trenchcoat and hat crept sneakily towards the store. Mike sighed. "Rabbit!"

The figure turned and tripped, and trenchcoat and hat flew threw the air, revealing a cute white cottontail and floppy ears. "Awww, how'd you know it was me?"

"Because I'm not an idiot," Mike answered slowly. "Now, pick up your gun and go back to the barricade. If you're still alive at the end of the day, I will personally give you the cereal."

As the rabbit went back to his post, Mike grimaced. "Fucking rabbit. Trix are for kids."

Today's Squishy flavors: Orangey Orange, Lemony Yellow, Green

Mike was in a mood today. He'd woken up without his pistol under his pillow, and spent a half hour searching his apartment for it. He'd finally given up and come in to work, only to find it on the shelf underneath the cash register where he normally kept the loaded shotgun. Who knew where that had gone. "Oh, fuck me, I'm gettin' old," he grumbled.

In other news, Bob the Squishybot was now a male anthropomorphized AI-driven drink dispensing machine, and the Cheese Panda was now... whichever gender it hadn't been before. Presumably, it was female now. It wasn't like Mike could really tell the difference.

Today's Squishy flavors: The Feeling of Discovering Something Once Thought Lost, Piña Colada, Green

Mike, Apu, and the Cheese Panda clustered around an open crate. Mike gave Apu a long, hard look. "Now, what are we supposed to do with these?" he grumbled. The crate was supposed to contain fruit. Instead, there were animals. "That is one hell of a mix-up." Someone at the wholesaler was going to have a LOT of explaining to do.

Mike sighed, and made up a sign for the front window.

SALE: Kiwi birds
Not for eating

Today's Squishy flavors: Bandwagon, Mango, Red

Pink.

The store was pink. Not the whole store, of course. Just the streamers, and bunting, and various other decorations. Anything that wasn't pink was red. There were hearts. There was a whole display of fresh-cut roses just inside the door, and the smell was starting to get overpowering.

Mike glared at Apu, and then sighed and did his best to ignore the sensory assault.

The sign on the door read:
Valentine's Day Sale!
25% off all marked items

There was another sign below it that read:
HELP WANTED
Now hiring

And, if you happened by at just the right time, you might notice another sign that read:
NEMESIS SALE
25% off any item if you can somehow convince me that it's your mortal enemy.
10% off any item you plan to use in order to become someone else's nemesis.
5% off any item over $50 that you plan to throw at my head.

Today's Squishy flavors: Cotton Candy, Pink Peppermint, Red

The Christmas decorations were gone. The New Year's decorations had been up for a few days, but they also were gone. All the remnants of the holiday season were tucked away in the clearance aisle. In their place, the seasonal aisle and the big displays at the front of the store were filled with...

"Back to School things?" Mike asked Apu with a dubious expression. "They've only been gone for a week and a half."

And so Apu got to explain to Mike yet another of the island's peculiar quirks. They discussed the matter, and soon there was a new sign up in the window.

WELCOME NEW STUDENTS!
SALE! All items in the store 10% off
All Back to School items an additional 15% off
Today thru Monday

NOW HIRING
All shifts


Today's Squishy flavors: Auld, Lang, Red

The whole island was wrapped up in this thing with Handsome Jack and the Vault. The thing was, it dawned on Mike that Handsome Jack wasn't his problem. And his problem wasn't going to be solved by whatever happened at the ribbon-cutting today.

So this morning he used a hacksaw to cut the trigger guard off of one of the Pandoran guns he'd bought. With that, and a shoulder strap fastened to the gun, it would work well enough.

He'd spent the rest of the day training.

What happened in the Psychos' nest while everyone else was off doing whatever with Hyperion could have been described -- not by Mike, of course, because he didn't talk like this, but by someone -- as the most awesome buddy movie ever.

When it was over, Mike brushed a bit of flaming Psycho guts out of the Cheese Panda's fur and patted it on the shoulder. "You did good, kid."

Truth be told, Mike had been feeling like he was being a little paranoid over the whole gun vending machine business... and then the abandoned house across the street started filling up with crazy rejects from a Mel Gibson movie.

Well. Now he was feeling good about all of the work he (well, Apu and the panda, really -- Mike had a bad back) did this morning:

Special this week:
Office Furniture and Storage
All filing cabinets 10% off!

Innocuous-seeming, right? Mike felt like he was being clever. He now had large piles of heavy metal-and-plastic boxes, many of which were fire- and bullet-proof, stacked just inside the store's doors.


Today's Squishy flavors: Preparation, Patience, Red

Mike was NOT going to talk about, or even think about, what had happened this weekend. His childhood had been awful the first time around. It had done wonders for all of his injuries, however, so there was that at least.

He walked over to dairy aisle carrying an apron and push broom, and looked down sternly at the panda sulking on the floor. "Are we done here?"

The panda whuffled, and then grudgingly stood up and put on the apron.

Mike nodded at it. "Good. Now, I don't want to hear any more about it. Help Apu clean up this mess -- it stinks in here."


A half hour later, the shelves were righted and the spoiled food was all thrown away. Mike pulled a stalk of bamboo from where he'd hidden it in the floral case and offered it to his new employee. "Keep up the good work."


Today's Squishy flavors: Compromise, Change, Red

For the umpteenth time since he bought the place, Mike looked over at the dairy aisle and sighed. This time, he decided it was actually time to do something about it. He carefully set down his book and reading glasses and walked up to the panda.

"We can't go on like this," Mike observed. It was a casual, conversational tone, sure, but there was steel underneath. "This is just not gonna work out."

The panda thrust a block of cheese in his face menacingly. Clearly, if Mike didn't buy it, the panda would be forced to hurt him.

Mike didn't blink. "Okay, this is what's gonna happen: I'm going to give you until tomorrow to think this over, because major life changes are big and scary, and I want to give you a chance to make the choice that's right for you. Do you understand me?"

The panda narrowed its beady little eyes at Mike, waved the block of cheese to get his attention, and raised a paw threateningly.

Mike rolled his eyes and sighed. Acknowledging the threat would mean losing control of the situation. "When I come to speak to you tomorrow, you will have one of two choices: One, you will leave this store and never come back. I don't care where you go, I don't care what you do, but you will NOT be threatening my customers for their shopping preferences." The panda started growling. Mike -- still speaking calmly and firmly -- raised his voice in order to be heard. "Or TWO, you will become an employee of this store. You will be paid a generous wage, and you will be given a room in the back to make your home. In exchange, you will do whatever Apu or I ask of you, and, again, you will NOT threaten my customers. There is no third option. Do I make myself clear?"

In response, the panda cuffed him hard, sending him flying across the aisle into a shelf.

Mike groaned and picked himself up off the floor. "Oh, for the love of -- THAT WAS MY SHOULDER!!!"


Today's Squishy Flavors: Ultimatum, Mozzarella, Red

"Seriously?" Mike asked, as Apu hung a large HELP WANTED sign in the window. "You never thought to hire anyone to help you out after the old owner left?" He sighed and shook his head. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I admire all the work you put into this place, but a guy's got to have a life, too. I think I got a handle on things, here -- why don't you take the day off?"

Apu stared at him in shock and bewilderment, and let loose a torrent of words that basically boiled down to: he wasn't ever going to leave the store, not even for a day, because it was his life, and he didn't know what he'd do with a day off, and please don't make him.

After a while, Mike shrugged and waved for Apu to stop. "All right, all right, already. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to do. I'm just saying, if you need it, I've got your back."

Today's Squishy flavors: Pleh, May Day, Red

Apu walked around the store with Mike, pointing out various features and the way they were managed. Everything was going smoothly until they got to the dairy aisle.

"There's a panda in the store."

"Yes, Mr. Michael."

"Why is there a panda in the store?"

"It is a long story."

"Ah. Now, this I gotta hear."


Today's Squishy flavors: Mozzarella, Gouda, Red

Mike sat on a bench outside Turtle & Canary with a Squishy and a sandwich. This was a quaint little island, and he was glad to have found it. He'd stay here a few days while he figured out his next move... and maybe longer. Who knew?

It was empty, though. One of the less insane things Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon had told him was that the whole island had just up and left for a communal vacation. In Italy. Wherever they all really were, Mike hoped it was nice. As long as they weren't all buried in the store's basement, it really didn't concern him.


Today's Squishy flavors: Return, Rejuvenation, Red

[...And Mike is on the island! Open for interaction with whoever's left around.]