throughaphase: (lip bite)
[personal profile] throughaphase
When Kitty got married, she'd said she was hyphenating her last name because aside from "Pryde" being a great name, "Kitty Barton" sounded like a madam at an Old West brothel.

Anyway.

WELCOME TO
THREE MINUTE DATES


A couple minutes before 8:00, Kitty interrupted the zombie-played version of "Pony" to take the stage. You're welcome.

"Hello and welcome to Three Minute Dates! Thank you all for coming, whether you're here by accident, here on very purpose, or dragged here by Tino. I know there are other things you could all be doing." Ahem. "Here are the rules: every three minutes you will get paired up on a date with someone. When the gong sounds, it's on to the next date. It's fifteen minutes of your life, and then afterwards if you want to hang out, make friends, have one of Tino's horrifyingly on theme drinks, feel free. I just ask that you please don't have sex in the bathrooms."

She could not stop you from having sex in the bathrooms.

"Have fun! But not too much. Till later. At home."


[The bar | Round One | Round Two | Round Three | Round Four | Round Five | OOC | Regular bar post]
somethingwithturquoise: (so over it)
[personal profile] somethingwithturquoise
Summer was in a very different place than she was last time the island was beset by this particularly sexy bout of whimsy, which mostly just meant that she was slightly annoyed and reluctant to head into the bar that day, but she figured it was good to get, you know, some fresh air and be a productive member of society or whatever. She did come prepared, though, repurposing one of her spray bottles that she usually used on Pancakes when she tried to eat plants and keeping it full of ice water to spray at people who were getting a little too...well...you know...

This was mostly to use on Tino, yes, and, at one point, she did have to threaten to upgrade the ice water to literal acid. So that was fun.

Featured Cocktail
Pink Sweetie Valen-tini

Featured Jello
*~Get One Free if You're Giving It To Someone Elese!~*
Cherries and Creme
Conversation Hearts
Bleeding Heart
Chocolate Covered Strawberry


Caritas is open!
doesdoctorstuff: Navaan from Trudy Cooper's Oglaf (Stupid Fucking Town)
[personal profile] doesdoctorstuff
They'd waited for dark, obviously. Navaan didn't want to explode before she'd even left the island! But the sun had set and now it was time for them to leave. She still wasn't sure exactly how Arthur had convinced her to let him and John come along (well, okay, she did like John), but Beaker made much more sense.

"Hope you said your goodbyes or whatever," she told her companions. "We're leaving on the causeway, don't know when we'll be back again." She paused. "That would make an awesome song."

But diversions into a musical career to add to her doctor/detective/romance novelist/teacher resume aside, it really was time to head out.

She'd be back, Fandom. Probably around the week when everybody got fun again!

[Navaan's last post in Fandom as she heads off into ex-pat land with her boon companions! Anyway, open to anyone who wants to say goodbye to any of the assembled! Beaker, Arthur, and John's presence modded with permission!]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Oo, what about this one, Arthur?

"I'm trying to transcribe phone records, John. I'm not helping you with seduction outfits."

Don't be a spoilsport. You'll like this one!

"I'm not the one who signed us up for the stupid class! Why do I have to wear an outfit?"

Because just a glove and a boot would look kind of stupid.

"Pair it with sunglasses."

Shut up or I'm buying something with feathers.


Diaz was going to have some very interesting phone messages written down.

The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur might be at work, but he wasn't paying much attention to work. John was surfing the web looking for composition programs and describing them to Arthur to see if there was something useful, while Arthur hummed quietly, composing in his head in between John's questions.

Here's one that says it's for the visually impaired! John said excitedly.

"Oh, that sounds good." Arthur sighed. "I could really use a piano."

I don't think they have one.

"We'll make do."



The office was open and the Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024 09:19 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was...well. Both more relaxed this week (thank you, Navaan, and also damn you for being right) and more wound up (damn you, Navaan).

Which translated into being at work and needing to do something more than sit at a desk and listen to podcasts while John played solitaire and surfed the web.

They're already organized, Arthur!

"I don't care." He tore open the first file cabinet. "Let's...look, maybe it makes more sense to put everything in chronological order. Let's try it."

And when it sucks?

"Then we'll put it back alphabetically!"

John grumbled.

The files would probably be a mess tomorrow.



The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, March 5th, 2024 01:09 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was glad to be back where things were familiar. Well, mostly.

Huh. There's no email, Arthur.

"What, none?"

Not a single message.

"That's odd. What about actual mail?" He got up and strode over to the box.

Nothing here, either.

"Phone messages?"

It's not blinking.

Arthur frowned and sat down. "We've already filed everything. I'm not sure what else to do."

Solitaire?

Arthur sighed. "Fine, but put on one of those radio shows for me, will you?"

Podcasts. Sure.

"Whatever."


The Ass. was in!
sharp_man: (Default)
[personal profile] sharp_man
There had been rumors all weekend of people from the Big City coming in and buying up local businesses to turn them into soulless malls and parking lots, and Hannibal could not have that! He loved this quirky small town where love was constantly in the air.

So he had opened up his psychiatry office banquet hall and gone full-out on the catering and set up a party to fundraise for all the businesses under threat. There were totally tasteful and non-gaudy red and pink decorations, hearts (of the valentine, not the anatomical) variety throughout, and somehow the air itself was glittering in a way that wouldn't actually show up on anyone's clothes or in their sinuses.

There were moddable foods and tables and chairs all over! There was a dance floor where only slow dances ever played! Anyone not from the Big City (or who was from there and wanted to find new purpose in a small town and switch sides) was welcome!


[Open post!]
doesdoctorstuff: Rochelle Aytes (zzzHuman - Default)
[personal profile] doesdoctorstuff
Navaan looked out the window and sighed at the pouring rain that didn't actually exist yet, but would be added in post. This was the perfect weather to go outside and dance in, showing off what a quirky individual she was, but no. She couldn't go outside and play yet. She had to stay in here and keep working in her as-yet-undetermined family member's consignment shop. Either a dead grandmother or an elderly aunt, they had to see which one played better with viewers. Either way, she was stuck here behind the counter, both because the audience needed to see how much not acting on every wacky, whimsical impulse hurt her soul (in case they ended up doing a scene where she has to try to act normal for somebody's staid and proper family) and because there was nobody currently present who could learn some important life lessons from her adorable playfulness.

Instead, she guessed she'd just have to keep working on this art project she was creating from random things from the shop. It looked kind of ugly and disjointed so far, but she knew that if she just kept working at it, it would turn into something beautiful.

Because it was a metaphor.

[Open!]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was at work today, and started out humming as they sorted through paperwork, but before long found himself singing without even paying attention. He wasn't even sure he knew the song.

I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here


John joined in, not that anyone could hear him.

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body...


"Well, it's...it's up there."

They might be at this a while.



[OMG I can't believe I nearly forgot the obvious!]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
The phone kept ringing, but when Arthur picked it up, nobody was there. It was starting to get annoying.

It rang again.

Are we going to keep picking it up?

"Hell, no." Arthur scowled. "Isn't that what that voicemail machine is for? Let it pick up. I think Detective Diaz would approve."


The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
After his class, Arthur showed up at work still thinking about "proprietary tires".

"Honestly, it sounds like the stupidest thing ever."

I don't know, Arthur, there are some pretty stupid things out there.

"Well, yes, that is true. But why? How stupid is this designer?"

Sit down at the computer. Let's look it up.

They would be getting into a mighty rabbit hole today, unless anyone walked in needing them.



The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Well, new year...same job, apparently. Same paperwork.

Same ridiculous phone calls, just more of them.

"No, I'm sorry, we don't handle preemptive requests. If your resolution is not to let your spouse catch you cheating, maybe you should stop cheating, instead of telling us not to work for them. No, you're absolutely right. I'll tell you what - I'll get Detective Diaz right on that. Mm-hm. Yes, I thought you might say that. Have a lovely day."

Apparently Rosa's reputation preceded her.

Arthur made a note of the name anyway, in case their spouse did hire them. He wasn't above having preemptive evidence.



The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was aggravated. Look, getting out of the apartment and down to work through the streets in a blanket that insisted on trying to tangle around his legs was a pain in the ass. He was already finished with today by the time he arrived.

At least it has sleeves, John grumbled, flapping his hand to get the damn thing further down the arm. Don't think we're getting much done today, though.

Arthur flopped into his desk chair. "I'm not moving from this place unless it's an emergency," he confirmed. "Play all the Solitaire you like."

They would stay here and be warm in the blanket thing, instead of trying to move in it.


The Ass. was in!
heroic_jawline: (stony: cheek kiss)
[personal profile] heroic_jawline
Well, the ballroom was once again done up for a grand get-together with a distinctly winter and holidays theme: trees and greenery and candles and (non-sentient) ribbons on things. Because Tony didn't know how to not go overboard, there was one massively oversized tree and a brand new chandelier over the dance floor to continue with a wintry feel.

The trees were covering the normal rotation of wall art that kids sent to the Avengers, but the smaller trees around the ballroom had handmade ornaments sent from around the world and contained at least two depictions of Thor flying Santa around using his hammer. Because it was the holidays! Everyone wanted Thor to fly them around for the holidays, right?

There was holiday music in a variety of languages playing over the entirely too complicated sound system when the gremlin choir that Steve, at least, didn't remember inviting wasn't singing on the stage. The food was catered and abundant (though missing jelly doughnuts. After yesterday, Tony and Steve had declared themselves doughnuted out, however temporarily), your hosts were suitably attired, and there wasn't a bathtub filled with hooch to be found anywhere.

Welcome to the holiday party, everyone! Enjoy yourselves.
deathsmajesty: Katie McGrath as Morgana from BBC's Merlin (Smile - Flowers)
[personal profile] deathsmajesty
Yesterday, Liliana had been too busy being pampered DEEPLY WRACKED by a mild hangover to come to work, and so was making up the hours today. She has been joined by a tiny piece of floating mistletoe partway through her trek to work, which she guessed was today's piece of holiday whimsy, though she certainly didn't know what a poisonous plant had to do with their midwinter celebration. Still, she was charmed by the way it hovered around her, doing dips and whorls in the air like a butterfly made of greenery.

It didn't fly off once she reached the store, but instead followed her inside and proceeded to keep her company throughout the day, sometimes even alighting in her dark hair or in her golden headdress to act as a particularly fetching hair decoration as it presumably rested from its aerial acrobatics.

What a delightful day this was shaping up to be!

Herald's Horn
Cracked and in need of repair


[Open and unsuspecting!]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
"John, where's my notebook?"

In the bottom drawer, Arthur.

Arthur growled. "If it were there, I wouldn't be asking! Are you even looking?"

I'm telling you, it's...it's not there. What the fuck, Arthur?

"That's what I'm saying!"

The entire drawer looks like it's been rifled through.

"And whatever did it, left it...soggy." Arthur grimaced.

So, what - some eldritch being that tracks water around?

"Is the rest of the office damp?"

Not that I can see, no. But it is a little messier than usual.

"Any clue as to what caused it?"

No idea. I suppose you want to clean it up, don't you?

"Well, it's something to do, I suppose."

Right.



The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (moustache)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
After work, Arthur decided to go for a coffee or tea. A hermit he might be, but even he was getting tired of staying inside.

He tried to keep his hands off the mustache John had insisted he grow this month. He still wasn't sure about it. On the up side, it meant less to shave. On the down side, it meant trusting John to shape it. John had watched a lot of videos on Youtube.

Anyway, Arthur got a tea latte and settled in at a table.


[Open Perk!]
two_idiots_one_body: (moustache)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
It looks very dashing, Arthur.

"So you've said. I'm still not entirely convinced, but at least it's stopped itching."

You look handsome! It'll help with customers.

"Clients. And they're almost entirely over the telephone."

That's beside the fucking point, Arthur!

"Fine, fine. I'm sure the mustache-ness will carry over in my telephone voice."

Now you're just humoring me.

"Deal with it."


The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Look, when you had an eldritch entity living inside you, had been chased around by cultists, and had been to the Dreamlands and back, Halloween didn't hold much interest. Or maybe that was just Arthur.

Actually, Arthur was pretty sure it was just him.

Come on, Arthur, for fuck's sake! When else do we get to wear a costume?

"I could put a glove on your hand."

That is not the same thing!

The phone ringing with people trying to interest him in Halloween sales was almost welcome.
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
By the time they made their way through the weirdly changed town to work, both Arthur and John were more than a little grumpy.

Finding out they were supposed to sort phone requests was...well, having actual work was nice, but calling people back when they couldn't really do anything to help was less good.

"Yes, ma'am. Yes, I understand. No, I...well, what exactly would you like us to investigate? ... Yes, I'm sure it's quite unnerving to hear someone not order...scattered? But I don't think that's evidence they're a monster."

This is ridiculous, Arthur. What are they even talking about?

Arthur hung up and sighed. "I have no idea."



The Ass. was in!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
"OW!" Arthur danced to one side. "What the - fuck! Ow!"

Stand still, Arthur!

Arthur hissed another curse and braced himself against the desk. "What the hell is it?"

Some sort of small plastic thing.

"Well, it's fucking pointy! Where is it now?"

Forward and left. Go a little more...no!

"OW! Fuck it, I've at least found the fucking thing now." He bent over and pulled it up, smacking it down on the desk. "Are there any more?"

I can't see any, but I didn't see this one, either.

"Wonderful. Who the hell left these things on the floor, anyway? I need thicker fucking shoes."


The Ass. was in, and finding Legos with his feet!
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur frowned as he stepped into the office. "Does it smell like smoke in here?"

I think it's coming from the wastebasket.

"It's not still on fire, is it?"

Doesn't seem to be.

Arthur relaxed. "We should look for a note about it. And maybe listen to the radio show."

Sorry, Rosa; your secret would be out by the end of the day.



The Ass. was in!
imafuturist: (will you look at that?)
[personal profile] imafuturist
The ballroom was once again set up for guests at Stark Industries, this time with a decidedly colorful theme for it. Where the color white could reasonably be avoided it was avoided: from the decorations to the lighting, to the food and drinks provided for the guests.

Because no one enjoyed a nice theme more than Tony Stark.

Steve strode across the ballroom and stared up at the new Chihuly chandelier installed over the dance floor. "When I suggested we switch out the art, I meant the kids' paintings," he said, pointing to the new, very colorful, pictures that had been blown up from construction paper size to 5 foot tall show-stoppers. "I still think the pictures of Princess Thor riding on the unicorn wins, though."
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur came in determined to get some more things done. If not an actual case, then more filing.

That lasted until he opened the first drawer to find everything covered in spiderwebs.

"How can there be that many spiders around here?"

How should I know, Arthur? It's all covered in it!

"Well now so am I." Arthur huffed.

So are we, you mean, John grumped.

"Right. Maybe we can turn on the bathroom sink with an elbow or something."

The phone started ringing.

"Fuck."



The Ass. was in! If anybody called, he'd try to answer, but there were no guarantees.
throughaphase: (bar)
[personal profile] throughaphase
Caritas was decked out tonight for tonight's event with balloons and a giant glittery sign over the stage.

WELCOME TO
THREE MINUTE DATES!!


And a few minutes before 8:00, Kitty took the stage with the zombie band playing her on. As the music stopped, she began, "Welcome, everyone, to our semi-annual Three Minute Dates! If you're new to this, you've added your names to the list and when your name is called, you'll meet your first date and have three minutes to get to know them. Then when the buzzer sounds, it'll be on to your next date. Easy peasy! We've done things a little differently tonight, and gone through the painstaking process of picking some great matches for you all-"

It was then that Tino took it upon himself to come by to show off something like a miniature version of SNL's upcoming hosts board, with everyone's names attached in pairs. It was really a work of art.

And then he slipped on a patch of glitter and the names went flying everywhere.

One of the zombies played a sad "wah wah" sound.

For a moment Kitty just stared in horror, and then said, "Give us two minutes," and dashed off the stage.

Off to a great start!


[Hold up for all the OCD! Go forth and date! A regular post will go up on Saturday for after the dates is up!
The Bar | Round One | Round Two | Round Three | Round Four | Round Five | OOC | Caritas after the dates]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Today was work, so here Arthur was. Desperately trying to find something to do.

Anderson.

"Right, that's first cabinet, second drawer...about here?"

Three further back.

"There. Next?"

Robertson.

"Rs were in...third cabinet, second drawer?"

This one ends at Ri.

"Third drawer, then." He found that with only a little prompting.

Arthur, why are there so many 'sons'?

"English naming conventions? Lack of imagination? No idea. Next folder."

At least Diaz would come back to a thoroughly organized filing system.


[The Ass. was in!]
intheeyeofthebeholding: (Default)
[personal profile] intheeyeofthebeholding
Tomorrow classes started, and Jon was looking forward to it, but you could never be too prepared, so he was going over his materials again.

At the Perk, because...look, with the office he was in at the school and the former occupant that seemed to like to pop in from time to time, Jon just wasn't comfortable there. And if he sat in his flat, he could just picture Summer's disappointed face.

So, fine. He was here, settled in with an Earl Grey latte, a laptop, and entirely too many papers for a proper millennial, but paper was soothing, damn it!

He was absolutely interruptible if anyone wanted to talk.



[Open Perk, open post!]
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was back at work this week. At least nominally.

Red three.

"Didn't we have the two of hearts already?"

This is diamonds.

"Damn. Okay, next card."


The Ass. was in!
texted3times: (Default)
[personal profile] texted3times
Eric had spent several weeks off in Never You Mind doing None of Your Business (But Probably Some Murders) and was now back in Fandom. He strode into the Devil's Nest and stopped just before walking straight into a life-sized cow make entirely out of butter.

"Iowa State Fair?" he asked Tiny, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Tiny grumbled an assent.

"Inspired by or stolen from?" he asked.

Tiny's reply was not reassuring.

The Devil's Nest was open, the air conditioning was cranked to stop the stolen butter cow from melting, and the vampire was in.

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, August 1st, 2023 07:37 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur was feeling out of sorts, though he couldn't put his finger on why. The fact that John was grumpy wasn't helping.

I don't want to knit anymore! I'm bored.

"Well, I don't want to play patience on the computer when I can't see anything."

Fine! We'll just sit here and do nothing!

"Or we could...wait, isn't the crab in the clinic today?"

How should I know?

"You listen to the same radio I do, John. Come on, let's get out of here. Do a little leg work."

John grumbled, but gave in. Fine.



The Ass. was in for a while!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, July 11th, 2023 11:07 am
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
When they got to the office today, Arthur was still settling in when John got his attention.

Oh, Arthur! There's a note for us! About a case!

"An actual case? Oh, thank god."

Well, I don't know, John answered dubiously. It says, "Crab case, if you're interested".

Arthur sighed. "At this point, I'll take just about anything. Is there an address or a number to call?"

There's a number. Let's call it!

"You dial, I'll talk."

That does make more sense than the other way around.

"Yes, yes, very funny. Phone?"


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, July 4th, 2023 12:57 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
The phone was ringing off the hook today.

"Diaz and Ass- what? That's really more a job for- no, I'm fairly certain the police aren't closed for the holiday. Yes, even today."

We could call them and make sure, Arthur.

"Then we'd have to talk to one of the troopers."

Good point.

"Hello, Diaz and- what? Well, if you've...no, I see, but if you set them off they don't come back. There's nothing to recover. That's what fireworks do."

I'd like to see some fireworks.

"I'm not traveling somewhere and sitting in the heat surrounded by strangers just so I can listen to loud noises," Arthur griped.

This could go on for a while. But the Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, June 27th, 2023 12:40 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
All the Pride things going on this weekend at least made a bit more sense after all the research Rosa had left in the office.

Well, to Arthur, anyway.

Humans are weird.

"You could always stop looking things up."

Fuck, no, humans are weird!

So...sorry about all the questionable things in the browser history, Rosa.


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, June 13th, 2023 12:58 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur got in, sat down, and readied himself for another day of answering crazy phone calls and listening to John play solitaire.

Huh. Arthur, there are books here.

"Well, that seems promising. A little different, anyway. What are we researching?"

There was a pause that Arthur would swear was awkward. Sex.

"What? John -"

Look, I'm telling you, Arthur, these books are all about sex, and the history of sex, and something called the 'modern queer justice movement'!

"Oh! Huh." Arthur thought about it and shrugged. "Maybe we'll be working on a case soon and she wants to make sure we know modern ideas about it? It certainly couldn't hurt." He was still sometimes taken aback at how open people were about...well, about a lot of things, honestly, not just that, but still. "So we research, I guess. You read, I'll take notes."

Your handwriting sucks, John grumbled.

"Yes, well we can't do it the other way around, so deal with it."

Fine!



The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, June 6th, 2023 09:03 am
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
John had really taken to knitting.

No, this next one is a double decrease. Hold your needle still, damn it!

"I am holding it still!"

John growled. Okay...there. Now the next stitch.

They knitted in silence for a few minutes.

"How far are we, anyway?"

Maybe a third of the way.

"We probably should check the actual work to do at some point."

When we get halfway.


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023 12:54 pm
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
Arthur, there are some long, sharp, metal sticks on the desk.

"Sticks? Where?"

Left. Here. He picked one up and held it out so Arthur could feel it.

"They feel like..." Arthur frowned in thought as he felt to the end. "Oh! These must be the knitting needles Detective Diaz has been using."

They don't look like needles, John said doubtfully.

"No, well, they don't until they start getting really small and thin. Odd; I'd have expected her to go for those - they're sharp enough to do real damage. These aren't really sharp, nor are they hefty enough to do blunt damage."

What do you do with them, then?

"Well, they're knitting needles. You knit."

Huh. Do you knit, Arthur?

Arthur laughed. "Oh, it's been ages since I learned. And it'd be a bit hard with one hand and no eyes. Although we did manage the computer. Is there any yarn around?"

I don't see any. Just the needles.

"Hm...Oh! We should have twine for packages. That'll do."

They searched for a bit, until finally coming up with a ball of it.

"Right. Now let me see if I can remember how."

This would be an interesting day.

But the Ass. was in! If he could get untangled.
defenderofdesmoines: (annie - assessing the situation)
[personal profile] defenderofdesmoines
Annie walked into the Devil's Nest tonight, and stopped in her tracks, frowning.

And then took a deep sniff, walking through the bar like she was letting her nose lead her.

"Do you smell --" she started to ask Tiny, feeling silly until she took another deep sniff, and said to hell with it. "Do you smell, like, pineapple and hot dogs?"

Tiny, of course, only smelled the pineapple -- and a hint of coconut, too, Annie was getting that now, too -- but then again, Tiny (and everyone else on this island, unless someone was hiding something well) did not have a fifteen week-pregnant nose, did he?

~*Specials*~
Whiskey Ginger
Pineapple Rum Cocktail
Chelada
Pineapple Margarita


[been a week, skipping the OCD, open!]

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, May 16th, 2023 09:56 am
two_idiots_one_body: (Default)
[personal profile] two_idiots_one_body
The phone was already ringing when Arthur got in.

"Hello? ... One moment, let me check. John?"

No...no...Got it. What the fuck is a wool cartel?

"I have no idea. Right. Sir? Detective Diaz appears to be looking into it."

There's a note here about possible crochet addicts drop-spinning it, whatever the fuck that means.

Arthur relayed the information and pulled the phone away from his ear as the client began shouting.

"Look, sir, I'm only the messenger. We'll get back to you as soon as we find something concrete."

The man began grumbling about it further, and Arthur set the phone down on the desk; he didn't think he was necessary to that process.

"Anything else, John?"


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2023 09:23 am
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They had a compromise today: John was watching Netflix, and Arthur was back on the phones.

At least one of them was regretting it.

"I'm sorry, what? No, no, that's all right. A wereturtle? With respect, why would you...yes, I suppose it would be easier to clean the koi pond. Wait, do they have fingers when...ah. Yes, that's quite an accomplishment. Anyway, I - Oh, absolutely, Detective Diaz left detailed notes for me."

Why are you bothering to cover for her, Arthur?

"Because she's my boss," Arthur muttered, pulling the phone away from his mouth. "Besides, this is ludicrous. What? No, not you, I'm sorry. Yes, I quite understand. No, we've had no luck so far, but we are pursuing a few leads."

Tell them I'll bite them myself if they'll shut up so I can watch this, John growled.

Arthur sighed.


The Ass. was in!
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Even though Ignis's forthcoming class was all about preparing food in even the most rugged of conditions, it was probably safe to say he would not be still attempting to whip up a few new recipes in the rubble that had been the kitchen at Luke's.

He had, however, somewhat considered it, but that just seemed like quite the hazard in multiple ways for everyone involved.

And while he certainly planned to make up for this lost time in a kitchen later that evening (hopefully, Liz and Prompto didn't mind having a freezer full of leftovers again), he still had quite a bit of a day ahead of him that would usually have been occupied with his work. Perhaps, then, it would be a good time to get back into his Perkly habits, of getting himself a coffee, maybe a little pastry as well, finding himself a good seat, and just sort of...listening, to the general buzz of the daily activity of such a social hub, as well as for any familiar voices to spark his interest, all the while pondering what to pour himself into later, hoping to be inspired to try some sort of new recipeh.

[[ and, of course, open for all your perkly needs! ]]

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, April 25th, 2023 08:50 pm
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"No, John."

But this one looks great!

"I wouldn't know. It doesn't sound like much of anything."

You're just sore because I enjoy Netflix more.

"And you're a poor winner."

Fuck you, too.

Not many phones were getting answered today, but the Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, April 18th, 2023 12:50 pm
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Another day, another series of weird phone calls.

"What? No, I'm sorry, I don't know what might have happened yesterday. Yes, that does sound unprofessional, but I wasn't here. No, it wasn't me. Ma'am, I - no. No, not at all. No, you cannot have a discount because you didn't like the person on the phone. Right, well you can take that up with my employer, but I assure you she'll say the same thing."

Probably even less politely, John pointed out.

"Considering who it was, probably a lot less," Arthur muttered back. "No, ma'am, I wasn't speaking to you."

This was going to be a very long phone call. Maybe he could just set it on the desk and walk away?


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, April 11th, 2023 06:13 pm
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There was no more panther in the office. Which was one silver lining of the day.

It didn't make the constant phone calls any easier to deal with.

"No, I'm sorry, we don't serve pizza. This is a detective agency. ...no, I can't detect the number of the pizza place."

"You what? No, that's...I can't control the weather. I don't know anybody that can."

"No. No, that's not a thing, even here."

Why are all these people calling us? John growled, annoyed.

"I have no idea." Arthur sighed, picking the handset up as it rang again.

"I...Yes. Er...are you sure it's not just natural? Right, no, flowers generally don't change colours completely like that. What makes you think someone is painting them? Ah, yes, that would be an indication. Right, I'll let Detective Diaz know. I'm sure she'll enjoy a stakeout of your garden."

Or she'll just do something nasty in retaliation, John pointed out.

Arthur shrugged.

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, April 4th, 2023 06:53 pm
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"Is the panther still here?" Arthur muttered, opening the door just enough to see in.

Yes, Arthur. She seems to be asleep at the moment, though.

"Right. Okay." Arthur edged his way into the office. "Let's just do our job, and ignore her."

Sure, John said, deadpan. I'll ignore the huge cat.

"I'm not sure if it's better or worse that I can't see her," Arthur said with a sigh.


The Ass. was in! Mind the boss.

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, March 28th, 2023 11:00 am
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"I'm telling you," Arthur was saying as he opened the door, "it's a ridiculous assumption to make -"

Arthur!

"No, John, look. Just because -"

Arthur! There was a distinct growl this time.

"- they're small..."

Arthur, shut the fuck up and listen! There's a huge cat here!

"You're not getting out of this argument just because the detective adopted a cat."

No, Arthur, I mean a really big cat. Almost as big as you are.

"Oh. Ah. What is it doing?" Arthur backed toward the door.

Lying on the desk. Oh. Now it's looking at us. Pacing around.

"Does it look like it wants to eat us?"

How the fuck would I know, Arthur? Why not ask it? John asked facetiously.

"Right. Right. Uh - do you want to eat us?"

John sighed. The panther blinked, unimpressed.



The Ass. was in! Though possibly not for long. Maybe the freaking panther could answer the phone.
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Monday had been Faroe's birthday. Arthur had drunk himself blind (ha). Yesterday, he'd mostly slept off the nightmares and the hangover.

Today he was trying to be a bit more positive about it, remembering the good times, remembering her feeding the ducks and quacking at them. So he was here, in the park, feeding the ducks. Or at least throwing bread in their general direction. He was not quacking at them.

What do they eat when people don't feed them?

"In the wild? Just about anything, I think. Bugs, berries, fish..." He shrugged.

They don't look very smart. You think staying here makes them worse hunters?

"I wouldn't have a clue, John."


[Open park!]

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, March 21st, 2023 04:51 pm
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Arthur's nightmares had kept him up all night. So for a large swath of the day, he was sleeping.

You'd be forgiven for not noticing, though, since John was playing solitaire and occasionally pecking out a one-handed response to the business's email.

Who the fuck cares why your pigs are yelling on the way home? Stop taking them out. Humans are weird.



The Ass. was (more or less) in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, March 14th, 2023 03:01 pm
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"I'm sorry, what?"

Ugh. Just get rid of them, Arthur!

"I'm sorry, we have a policy of not investigating baked goods. Yes, terribly sorry."

I can't believe they actually fucking fell for that.

"...No, cutlery isn't the same thing as baked goods."

Do we want to know why they asked?

Arthur sighed. "Yes, I'm sorry if your dish and spoon ran off together, but..." He rubbed the bridge of his nose against an incipient headache. "Why don't you give me your information, and I'll see what Detective Diaz says."

Let her deal with it. Her name was on the door.


The Ass. was in!

Diaz & Ass., Tuesday

Tuesday, March 7th, 2023 03:46 pm
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Last night had been Purim, so Arthur had (as was appropriate) drunk far too much. Today he was running on automatic.

Jesus Christ, Arthur, just give me the mouse!

"Fine, whatever, just stop yelling, John. For fuck's sake."


The Ass. was in, but if anybody wanted something done, they might have to bring coffee.

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