fandomtownies | Caritas; Wednesday [03/03].

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Caritas; Wednesday [03/03].

Summer didn't want to ask.

She really, really didn't want to ask, but ever since she came in that night, Tino had been acting very quiet and weird and introspective, like he was contemplating something very deep and mysterious, to the point where it was sort of affecting his work performance, and, despite the fact that she knew she would regret it, the curiousity managed to get the better of Summer, and she went ahead and opened that dangerous can of worms called 'asking Tino what was on his mind'.

"It's just that," he started, brow creasing with distress and worry, "what if cats and dogs had opposable thumbs??"

Summer just shook her head and went to go work at the other end of the bar, because, really, really, she only had herself to blame, she should have known better.

Wednesday Jello Shot Specials!
Moscow Mule
Peach Fizz
Lobster Salad

Caritas is open!

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"I mean," said Summer, "not immediately off the top of my head, but I know at least one pirate and at least four spaceship pilots, yours truly included, how much more difficult could it be?"

There was the briefest of pauses.

"You went and got yourself stranded," she asked, "didn't you?"

"Duke got Haven-napped about a week and a half ago," Lucifer said irritably, "So now we're stuck on his boat."

He was very tempted to follow her line of thinking re: the spaceship captaining.

Except Duke would have a coronary somewhere and die at the thought of letting a spaceship captain behind the Rouge's controls, so probably a bad idea.

Yeah, well, if Duke had a problem with a spaceship captain at his helm of his boat to prevent two thirds of his throuple from being stuck on it, dude needed to straighten out some priorities.

"A week and a ha--" Summer started incredulously. "And you're just now calling me? What the fuck, Lucifer?"

But then she sighed, took a moment to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Are you in this dimension?" she asked. "Different one? Do you have coordinates or would there be portalocity logs? If we can't get the boat to move, I can literally just portal gun it back to Fandom, it's not that hard."

Duke was very possessive about his boat.

"We were hoping Duke would pop back up before it came to this," Lucifer said irritably ~~and the multiverse was not going to let them come back until Friday~~. "And yes, we are in this dimension. No, I don't have coordinates or Portalocity logs, and they keep telling me they don't offer nautical portal services in this dimension."

Beat.

"I was just going to fly back to the mainland again tomorrow and shake some more sailors until one of them said yes to piloting the damned thing back to Fandom."

Soooo....having a total random stranger steer the boat was totally cool, but a known entity but with more spaceship experience was a step too far?

#LuciferLogic, much?

"Yeah, no, leave those poor sailors alone," said Summer. "Just tell me where you are, and I'll have Tino close up while I get the gun and come get you guys."

A pause.

"And the boat."

Truuuuuue, she hadn't tried to portal something as big as a boat before, but it should be totally fine, right?

It was a boat. Lucifer assumed actual sailors knew slightly more about boats than spaceship pilots. At least, the difference was big enough that he was slightly less concerned about Duke murdering him in his sleep over the sailor one.

"I think we're somewhere just off the coast of Georgia," he offered. "If that helps at all."

There was a significantly longer pause.

"Oh, yeah," said Summer, "totally helpful. Georgia doesn't have a significant coast line to it or anything. Assuming you even mean the state and not, you know, the country....

"How about landmarks?" she tried. "Nearby towns? Just to narrow in that focus a smidge."

"Look, I haven't been flying with landmarks in mind, I'm not some kind of carthographer--" Lucifer griped.

And then paused.

"Wait, hold on," he said.

... And lowered his phone so he could open up Google Maps.

And while Summer waited, she took a second to stare daggers at Tino and cock her head at a patron who was being totally neglected right now, and then maybe poured herself a little shot because that should be standard requirement for anything that involved talking to Lucifer on the phone, honestly.

"Right, sorry," Lucifer said, tucking the phone back against his ear. "We're just off Ossabaw Island, apparently."

"Ossabaw Island," Summer repeated, grabbing a napkin so she could jot that down and google it herself once she wasn't stuck using her phone as a phone. "Got it. That'll make this much easier, thank you."

"Yes, well, thank you," Lucifer muttered. "I'm beginning to get very tired of the ocean."

"Yeah, I bet." Summer snorted despite herself. "Well, I'm going to go get on this, then. It'll probably take me a hot minute to figure out the proper coordinates, but, hey, at least it being the same dimension should help a lot. I'll let you know when I get there."

"Thank you," Lucifer said again. A pause. "You wouldn't be able to portal into universes blocked off by Portalocity, would you...?"

You know, in case there was hypothetically someone he cared about stuck in hypothetically terrible Maine.

"That," said Summer, "is much trickier. It took me months to figure out how to break into Seivarden's dimension, and that was even with the help of Barry's algorithm. But it's definitely worth a try. You're talking about Duke, right? Him being...how did you put it? Haven-napped? Will probably make it difficult. The multiverse seems pretty intent on not letting people through when it doesn't want it to."

As they would discover not too long from now, in fact!

"Yes, I'm fairly sure the entire 'multiverse' is one of Father's cruel little jokes," Lucifer said.

He sounded frustrated.

... Mainly because frustrated was a lot easier of an emotion to deal with than what he was actually feeling, because someone repressed like a champ.

And, to be fair, the situation was incredibly frustrating, too. It's not like anyone would say that was misplaced, even if it was partially covering up for other things.

Summer also didn't really know what to say to that, since her experience pretty much doubt that his Father had much of anything to do with anything, even existing, in most dimensions, but, you know...

But she was pretty proud of herself for managing at least:

"Ugh. I know. Dad jokes are the worst, right?"

Good old levity! Yay!

"They most certainly are," Lucifer said, dogged and grim. "They most certainly are, miss Smith."

For some reason, the utter seriousness in that response only made Summer grin a little, but, really, she wasn't the one who'd been stuck on a boat with a dimension-snatched boyfriend, either.

"Well," she said, "I'll let you go so I can get started on all of this. Hopefully it won't take too long, though, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel now."

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Caritas; Wednesday [03/03].

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