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Turtle & Canary; Sunday [1/20]

Doom was prepared for the NFL's Championship Sunday. That is, he was ignoring it completely and might shoot anyone who talked to him about sports with magic fire. Apu, meanwhile, made sure there was a nice display with chips and dip and drinks.

Doom considered knocking it down. Meanie.

Today's Squishy flavors: Grape Judas, Cherry Doom, Pigskin (not made with real pig)

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"There's a bank on the island if you wish to cash a check. If you wish to use a check here, you must purchase something," Doom said. Doom didn't know if this was the actual policy. He also didn't care if it was the actual policy. He gained nothing from being helpful.

Edited 2008-01-20 19:29 (UTC)

"The bank's open on Sunday here?" Frank asked, caught off-guard. "All the ones in New Y- back home would be closed."

"No, it's not," Doom said. "So you'll have to wait until tomorrow or sign the check over to the store to purchase something."

"Works for me," Frank said. He went off into the shelves of the store, then returned with a candy bar and a check doctored to look like a Pan Am paycheck for $300. "I just need a little extra cash to get back to LAX. They have me flying to Hawaii tomorrow."

Doom glared at the supposed pilot with distrust. "You truly expect to pay for a candy bar with a three hundred dollar check? Show your identification to Doom!"

"Sure thing," Frank said easily, pulling out Romeo's driver's license.

If Doom were inclined to notice such things, he might do the math and realize it belonged to a 17-year-old.

"Doom demands to know your age," Doom said.

And behind Frank's bland smile, there were some very fast calculations. If this was 1966 (and it had been the last time he checked) someone born in the 1940 he had "corrected" Romeo's license to reflect would be ... "Twenty-six," he answered. "I know, I still got the baby face."

"Your license claims that you are seventeen," Doom noted, putting the license on the counter. "Take the candy bar if you wish so that you will not starve until you can reach the bank tomorrow. That is the only assistance which I will provide you."

"Seventeen?" Frank said, managing to feign being casual. "Check your math, buddy. It's 1966, not 1957."

But he snatched up the candy bar and put it in his pocket anyhow.

"DOOM'S MATH IS PERFECT AS ALWAYS," Doom said. "The only options for any who would dare suggest otherwise are death or cowardice. It matters not to me which you choose." He was being serious. His hand glowed with mystical energy and everything.

"Easy, easy," Frank said, taking only a split-second to pocket the ID before stepping back and wondering if everyone in this town was insane. "I'm not so big on death."

He paused to adjust his hat. "I know it's a big check and a lot of trouble," he tried. "I'd be willing to split it with you, 60-40."

"YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO BRIBE DOCTOR DOOM?" Doom asked in all caps. "LEAVE NOW OR I WILL CHOOSE YOUR DEATH FOR YOU."

Doom was friendly.

Death seemed a bit extreme for a check-cashing scam the store's insurance would cover anyhow, but Frank was not dumb enough to want to test the clerk's receptivity to this information.

"I'm gone," he said instead, rushing to the door and wondering where the hell he had found himself.

At least he got a free candy bar out of the deal.

Edited 2008-01-20 20:55 (UTC)

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Turtle & Canary; Sunday [1/20]

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