fandomtownies | Homecoming Carnival Post II | The Park

"Don't worry, we'd take you along, too," Hardison assured him. "I can't handle another person that don't know nothin' 'bout technology." His wail was tragic. "Parker asked me to download the internet last week."

She might actually have been trolling. He didn't know.

"Did you go through an explanation about it being a series of tubes at least?" Tony asked.

"Years ago," Hardison said. "Then there was the incident with the hamster an' the Habitrail an'...look, Parker is a mastermind, but she can be disturbingly literal sometimes."

"...I'm really hoping you got pictures, because that sounds amazing." The commitment was just... wow.

"I was too busy attemptin' to save my entire network," Hardison grumbled. "Eliot might, unless the camera on his phone was too advanced for him. He spent enough time laughin' to take a few."

"See, that is why you always have to make sure your rig can survive someone pouring a glass on it or people getting into a fistfight nearby." A beat. "Still haven't Hulk proofed mine despite my best efforts, though."

"See, I'd just assumed I needed to keep the con from bustin' it up. Hadn't realized I needed to protect it from my crew, too."

It had been a rough adjustment, going from 'I work alone' to 'crew.'

"Murphy's law," Tony replied. "Also, they just don't understand tech is life."

"Too damn busy leapin' off a buildin an' tryna drag innocent hackers along with 'em to appreciate the finer, quieter, less death-involvin' aspects," Hardison grumbled. "Steve don't do that kinda stuff, right?"

Yeah, Tony had to laugh at that. "Steve has issues with the building jumping. Luckily I can fly."

"Totally gonna have to get me one of your damn suits," Hardison grumbled. "Cause I got two partners who think it's the height of hilarity to push ya boy off somethin' high an' laugh."

"I can work on a jetpack for your next birthday gift," Tony offered.

"Really?!" Hardison asked, looking far more excited about the prospect than he probably really should.

But getting a jetpack and a laser-sword? SIGN HIM UP!

"If you end up crashing it, I sincerely hope no one tries to murder me in revenge."

Totes casual sentence, there. Just a thing that happened to Tony.

"...Most people are jokin' when they say that," Hardison noted, eyeing Tony with a little concern.

"It was kind of a joke?" Look, his life was magical and awful in equal parts.

"It's the part that kinda ain't that I'm side-eyein'," Hardison told him, shaking his head. "Your life was Fandom-weird before you even got to the island, yo."

"This place was meant as a vacation," Tony said, trying not to smile at how insane that was.

Hardison didn't even try; he openly cackled at that. "Yo, who sold you the island as a relaxing vacation getaway?" he asked. "Can you sue them for fraud?"

Or run a con? But suing was probably more Tony's speed.

Tony gave him a mock affronted look for that. "My personal assistant set it up. After fighting what might have been a being that consumes entire planets to survive."

"...Does your personal assistant like you?" Hardison asked.

Look, he liked Tony just fine! Better than just fine! He had a tech-crush on Tony Stark. And he would also never send someone he liked to Fandom and tell them it was a vacation package.

"Also, I'mma just straight up say your world is hella weird."

But it almost was a vacation for him!

"Sometimes I wonder about that," he admitted with a laugh. "I think the weird threshold was passed back when the Nazis were summoning frost giants. It only got weirder from there."

"You do hear the words that come outta your mouth sometimes, right?" Hardison checked. "Yo, you don't smell burnt toast or nothin'? Cause that kinda word jumble is either a sign of a stroke or someone detailing the plot of an improbable comic book."

The narration wishes to apologize for its attempt at cleverness.

"Hardison," he chided "I'm a billionaire who built a flying suit of armor to escape captivity. My life is definitely a comic book."

"I know," Hardison said with a grin. "I'm just jealous."

There was a collection of Hardiman comics hidden away in his house that spanned decades that proved the truth of that statement.

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink

Re: Food & Drink