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Winter Carnival | All Day | The Park | January 31 [Post #1]

It was a new day and there was no better way to start a new day than with the continuation of the carnival. There was still snow coating the ground but the atmosphere was as lively as ever. With cream-colored decorations and twinkling lights, the Student Council had aimed for a winter wonderland kind of theme, and the snow simply added to the effect. Thankfully, the day was turning out to be warmer, so those who were going to be outside all day wouldn't freeze. Once the finishing touches were done, the carnival was open for business.

[Concessions | Tables and Chairs | Hot Fudge Wrestling | Tunnel of Love | Hot Fudge Jousting | Bungee Jump | Snowmobile Racing | OOC | Post 2 | OCD is up! Go wild!]

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His non-answer combined with the way this conversation had gone so far actually kind of answered her question for her. Same way her silence probably betrayed her.

No, she didn't much like seeing it. But, came with the territory and she knew it. Couldn't really argue against it. Pretty fucking good at staying quiet and safe, and still difficult to pull her out of it, even at times like this.

"You're not going to say anything?" he asked, sounding a little less angry and a little more...something.

Effy bit down on her lips. Not saying anything was comfortable for her. So yeah, tempted to keep her mouth shut again. Out with it just wasn't her style, and couldn't really bring herself to admit it so directly.

"Is a reason I didn't keep watching," she said finally. Didn't want to see, no.

"What reason?" he asked, snagging that little statement and using it to push her. It could end up going badly, he knew that, but he didn't care. He didn't do safe and easy, apparently.

Honestly, it was simple enough. It was that uncomfortable weight in her chest, that fucking feeling that made her turn right around and try for the rest of the afternoon to get rid of it.

"I--" But that was something to admit, and she wasn't good at that. "Some things I just don't want to see." Or want to think about.

"So, it made you feel better to go find someone else and make sure I saw it?" he asked, voice quiet. "I don't care if you say it wasn't for my benefit. You knew I was there."

She knew. That much was true. Hadn't been much of a deterrent considering Effy assumed he was busy not paying a hell of a lot of attention to what she might be doing.

And for those brief moments, yeah, that kneejerk reaction had made her feel better about her day.

"Not exactly a secret that it's not--" Exclusive? Defined at all? Was generally one of those things they studiously ignored when they weren't purposely poking at weaknesses. "Never has been." And doing her own thing while he did his, was all she'd seen it as.

For a moment, Alex didn't say anything. He hadn't really expected that to come out of her mouth right here and now. He was pretty sure she never thought about it or didn't want it. Hearing it now was unexpected.

"Every time I ask you something like that, you deflect," Alex said, shrugging and looking a little helpless. "You can't use that as an excuse when I've tried. You don't know, Effy. So, I don't know."

Edited 2010-02-01 00:50 (UTC)

"Not one you'll answer either," she pointed out, rhythmically tapping the stick her candy floss had been on against the side of her hand. Reminded a little by that of exactly where they were having this whole damn conversation and closed her eyes briefly.

"You're always asking me. You have your own opinion, or just want me to have one?"

"Have you even ever asked me?" Alex asked, genuinely unsure. "Or has it just been me asking you, you deflecting and me going with it? You know I have my own opinions. I've been honest with you. I've spoken up."

Alex shook his head and bit down on several things that he wanted to come out with. "You're the one that brought this up right now. If you've got something on your mind, say it. Just say it."

Just say it. Made it sound easy, when Effy knew damn fucking well it wasn't. She shook her head, trying to piece together a decent answer that she didn't find it terrifying to admit.

"You brought this up," she corrected. Never would've come this far without his pushing. Effy would've left it be, and repressed like she always did. "I did ask." A couple of minutes ago, anyway.

"And no, don't much like seeing you with other people."

Alex had an argument set to go but she had to add in that last statement and he quickly shut his argument down for the moment. "No, I brought up not liking the fact that I got to watch you kiss some other guy, not the definition or lack thereof of this thing."

Stubborn. Between the two of them, they were so fucking stubborn.

"I don't tend to go around saying that I care about people, you know," Alex said, lowering his voice. He looked down at his feet and shook his head. "I told you I wanted you, Effy. I told you I cared. What more do you want me to say?"

Edited 2010-02-01 03:08 (UTC)

Effy shook her head hesitantly, and made to step up a little closer. "Nothing." Said it all already without actually needing to say a word.

Never had the sort of relationship before where she couldn't just go off, find someone else to distract her sometimes. It was what she did. Hadn't ever mattered before. Even with them, it hadn't. Somewhere, things had changed. They'd changed, and it didn't click for her until now.

Nothing. All right, he could do that. It wasn't his style to actually listen but, at this point, he'd run out of words and if she wasn't walking away (watching the ground or not, he knew she was there), then he'd wait to see what she'd do.

That dull ache in his stomach had been muted a bit but he knew it'd be ready to come back at a moment's notice so he'd just have to wait and see. He couldn't very well predict what would happen when he had no fucking clue.

So, he'd just stare at his shoes, the ground.

"Shit at all this," she admitted quietly, hesitating before she moved to rest her palms on his chest.

"People don't get to care." Because in general, she'd back away long before anyone got that close. Then if they did, it never ended well. "And you--" Did. "Don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Rare moment, with Effy admitting she didn't have a fucking clue either.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment's silence, a moment spent trying to come up with something to say. "I didn't mean to end up caring about you. It wasn't in my plans. None of this was."

And that was the absolute truth. He hadn't meant to end up attached or emotional or anything he'd scoffed at just months before. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"I don't know either," he said, curling his fingers around one of her wrists. "I'm sorry."

"Don't think you should be apologising for that." It wasn't his fault, and it wasn't just him.

A hint of a smile pulled at her lips briefly. "Thought you didn't apologise for anything."

"Things change." And it seemed merited. Alex shrugged slightly, twisting his fingers enough to brush over the pulse in her wrist. "I don't know what we should do either."

Apologies aside, he really had no fucking clue. It wasn't like there was an instruction manual and they'd gotten to this point before and just stopped.

"I don't think it's going to go away though," he added, quieter than before. "Everything, I mean."

Right about that. All this time, wasn't doing anything to make her care less. The opposite, if anything, much as she'd like to pretend otherwise.

"Do you want me to stop?" With other people, that was. Her way of asking without actually having to bring up any of those words they so liked to avoid. Considering that was the whole issue this hurt hinged on, it felt like an important one to get out there.

Dodging it and dodging it obviously wasn't working.

That dull ache in Alex's stomach twisted into something else and it took him a moment to realize it was fucking nervousness. He hadn't expected that particular emotion right now considering he prided himself on not being nervous about anything.

"I--" It wasn't going to come out that easily. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes. Took a breath. "Yes. If you don't want to, I'm not going to flip my shit. I'll just work harder on not...paying attention."

He was confident he could keep repressing shit.

After today, that one wasn't a huge surprise, even if she'd steeled herself in case it was something else. For once, this was really fucking simple.

"Then I'll stop."

Alex managed to get a nod out in response to her answer because even if he'd expected it, it still surprised him, that she'd do that because h wanted it. He just wasn't used to people doing things for him.

"Do you...want me to stop?" he asked, using her own question since it was important and her words were better than any he might try and blubber out.

"Sounds about right, doesn't it?" Yes. Letting it just go on one-sided was not something she'd go along with. Even her lack of firsthand experience here was enough to know she'd hate that.

"Okay. I'll stop," he promised without hesitation. That was easy enough to both say and do. That little pit of nervousness didn't go away and Alex recognized it as being there for the sheer fact that this was...some unfamiliar, unstable ground for the both of them.

"I won't anymore," he said again, nodding.

Managing an entire relationship defining (sort of) conversation, even if they weren't calling it that... Definitely unusual. The part they'd agreed on here, shouldn't even be that hard. Not exactly been out with a different guy every night lately.

Effy managed a nod of her own for him, making sure she tried to meet his eyes now. Only so much time they could spend staring downwards.

"And I'm sorry too." Honestly, he probably deserved one of those more than she did.

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