Portalocity Office, Fandom Branch, Saturday

[answer2bheard.livejournal.com]

Jim had shown up for his first shift at the Portalocity Office this morning, blissfully ignorant of any strange goings-on around the island today. Really, he was more worried about the quizzes that he had to take before he could be considered an actual employee of Portalocity.

Look, Jim was out in the middle of space when Portalocity was really sucking. This was new and exciting, even for him.

Question 58.

A customer fresh through the portal approaches you with a wild look in his eye, ranting about alien brain slugs and maple and ginger instant oatmeal. Occasionally he changes languages and continues his rant in alien tongues that you are completely unfamiliar with. What do you do?

A. While he's speaking, use Portalocity's travel guides to select the most expensive route possible and suggest an exciting tour of several systems, eras, and pits of primordial soup, all of which showcase oatmeal in some capacity.
B. Tell him about Portalocity's new Interstellar Traveller Program, explaining at length the Babel Fish* promotion for only $49.99 (American, Earth Standard) upon registration.
C. Call security.
D. Assuming you are an extraterrestrial with at least basic higher brain function** slug him. Explain the humorous context to this gesture if necessary.***
E. Refer him to Portalocity's hiring office. Cultural diversity and multilingualism are two traits that we value in our employees.
F. Smile and nod until his next portal arrives.
G. Quietly redirect his route through a Swiss Taco Bell and charge him for an extra passenger (the brain slug) while he isn't looking.

* Installation of Babel Fish not included, not available in some systems, Portalocity not liable for any damage caused to non-humanoid brain-stems by alien leeches provided through this promotion.
** All Portalocity employees are required to pass a basic IQ test prior to signing any contracts. Minimum IQ required for employment at Portalocity is π.
*** Many of Portalocity's customers are incapable of comprehending humor and have been known to become irrationally upset if you, for example, take a large chunk out of their jugular with your teeth after they complain that they haven't had a bite all day.

Jim had chuckled his way through most of the questions on these quizzes, but after a while he was starting to have his doubts.

"Wait... they're serious?"

[Open!]

The Gig, Saturday

[justlike_a_girl]

Dani really shouldn't have been surprised. She personally escaped the latest round of weirdness, but the horses in her stable weren't so lucky. All of the stallions had turned into mares and they didn't seem so happy about that. "Don't worry, boys," Dani tried to reassure them as she brought in their feed. "I'm sure you'll be back to normal by Monday."

[Open stable is open!]

Turtle & Canary; Saturday [ 01/28 ].

[stupid-metroid.livejournal.com]

Things were fairly quiet that Saturday in Turtle & Canary. Samus was a little confused by the woman sweeping the aisles in Apu's place, but a scan from her visor pretty much told her that she was basically the same biological and DNA make-up as her assistant manager, so she figured maybe the woman was his sister or daughter or something like that. The man worked pretty hard, so a day off every once in a while was nothing to hold against him.

It did get a little confusing, however, when she lifted her head from the repairs she was doing on the robot dog that seemed to be malfunctioning from lack of use and care. "I think you missed a spot over there," Samus pointed out, nodding toward the edge of Aisle Handwavey.

"Ahhhh," the woman said with a bit of a chuckle. "You, too, Mr. Aran?"

A response that made very little sense but Samus, her mind filled with wires and repairs, decided she wasn't going to try to work it out and just nodded, figurign it was just a fuddled translation or something. "Yeah. Me, too. And check on the panda, will you? I think he's been trying to change all the expiration dates on all the other cheeses to make them seem spoiled already."

Today's Squishy flavors: (Dude) Looks Like a Lady, Cherry Lips, Grape Judy

Turtle & Canary is open!

The Boards, Saturday, All Day

[furnaceface]

Jono had been... less than pleased this morning to wake up with breasts.

This displeasure was mitigated slightly by the fact that it meant that he fit into almost all of his old clothing again. And, while he looked maybe slightly ridiculous sporting black leather with grey skin and an old, slightly scorched Pearl Jam t-shirt from his high school days, at least he had enough experience wrapping himself up to be confident that the old leather bandages that he was wearing under his shirt today were going to keep him from... flopping around unnecessarily.

Now, if only all of his problems were solved so easily. Today he was alternating between going over notes from the auditions for Petey Sci-Fi, and thumping the back of his head against the filing cabinet when obvious casting choices beyond roles for the three men who had shown up didn't just leap up off the page at him.

Clearly, he needed to take better notes.

[Open, and flying without OCD. I swear, casting choices will be made as soon as I manage to catch my partner in crime online again.]

Cafe Luke's, Saturday

[gastronomistic]

The thing about being a Eurekan transplanted to Fandom was, Vincent knew how to go with the flow. So while there had certainly been some shrieks upon waking up that morning to discover the alterations to his form, by the time he opened up the diner, he was back in his usual high spirits.

He was letting his NPC staff handle the cooking today, though. He had far more hair than he was used to, and it was much, much too fabulous to be pulled back into a hair net, today.

Today's specials
Chicken ala Persephone
Fried green tomatoes
Fairy cakes

Luke's was open, and full of some odd ideas as to what it meant to actually be girly.

MCA Lobby, Saturday

[cataclysmicluck.livejournal.com]

With his long hair and skinny frame, it took Zayne a few extra seconds to realize that his hair was longer and his frame was a little more bulgy in a specific way when you got to the upper chest area. Of course, both those points were moot because the first few seconds were spent focusing on the thing that would be focused on more than anything. Ahem.

Anyway, he threw his old robes back on since they were looser fitting in that upper chestal regions, and he made his way into the office where he could more effectively hide unless somebody needed him.

[OOC: Slow but around if anyone needs Zayne.]

The Devil's Nest, Saturday, January 28th

[nookiepowered]

Bo was waaaay too smart to fall for the "Tiny drank it, therefore it's safe" trap this time. Or she would have been, if Tiny were actually here and trying it out on her.

Instead of Tiny, there was a woman looming beside the doorway who was incredibly tall, incredibly butch, and ... kind of cute in a terrifying way. There was a hand-lettered Hi, My Name Is sticker affixed to her impressively mountainous chest.

It said Tina.

It fooled no one.

Bo owed Tiny one or five, though, so she was keeping her mouth shut, enjoying the extra three inches of height her new boots afforded her, and finally filling out that damned OKStupid profile on her phone. For the LOLs.

"The first things people usually notice about me..."

Yeah, she looked down.

Then she looked across the bar.

"Depends. Is 'Tina' in the room?"

[Open like an open bar. Except for the part where the booze isn't free.]